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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
|---|---|---|
| Nov 21 2008, 11:07 AM EST (current) | khatriahm | 2 words added, 2 words deleted |
| Sep 15 2008, 12:22 PM EDT | khatriahm | 18 words added, 1 word deleted |
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Sardar Joke
Santasinghjumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted.Santasinghcontinued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr.Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
**************************************************************************
ASardardied and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
TheSardarthought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
********************************************************************************
OneSardarwas enjoying Sun on a Beach inAmerica. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"Sardaranswered '" No I amBantaSingh"Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.Sardaranswered " No No MeBantaSingh" Third one came and asked the same questionSardarwas totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw anotherSardarenjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The otherSardarwas much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " OurSardarslapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
************************************************************
After making a trip of South India ,SantaSingh,his wife and his son were returning topunjabin Tamilnadu Express.SantaSinghwas occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requestedSantaSinghto bring him a cup of Ice cream to whichSantareadily agreed. WhenSantaand his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understandhindihad occupied his son's birth . Outraged,SantaSinghcalled the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understandHindi/Punjabiso it would be better ifSantaSinghexplained the whole situation to him inEnglish.SantaSinghexplained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
************************************************************
ASardarjiand an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
TheSardarji,tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches theSardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
TheAmericanasks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
TheSardarjidoesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
TheAmerican,puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes theSardarjiand hands him $500.
TheSardarjithanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
TheAmerican, who is more than a little miffed, stirs theSardarjiand asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, theSardarjireaches into his purse,hands theamerican$5,and goes back to sleep.
*****************************************************************************
Asardarjicomes up to thePakistanborder on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered theSardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains thesardarjiall night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases thesardaji,puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto thesardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says theSardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to theSardar,and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, theSardarjidoesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
TheSardaji,sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
***************************************************************************
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." Asardarjipassenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
************************************************************************
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was aSardarji,one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally theSardarjiarrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When theSardarjiarrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?".Sardarjireplied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
***************************************************************************
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights.Sardarjiwas also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
******************************************************************************
SantaSinghapplied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
***************************************************************************
Asardarwanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. Thesardarliked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. Thesardarreplied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
***************************************************************************
ASardarjeereported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers
*************************************************************************
SantaSinghneeded some money desperately. Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. SoSantagoes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue.Santacloses his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest sawSantapraying. He wante to helpSanta, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.
AfterSantahad said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed withSanta. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa.
He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
Santa:"O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!
*********************************************************************************
SantaSinghandBantaSinghboth bought one horse each.
They wanted to make sure that they feed their own horse each morning. SoSanta Singhasked "how will we know which is your
and which is mine?"
Banta Singhsaid "its easy I will cut mine's tail, and yours will be the one with tail."
Some boys outside heard it and cut the tail of other horse too.
So the next morning confusion arose even more.Santa Singhsaid."don worry, ill tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the
one without the bell."
The boys heard this too so they cut the bell.
The next day,Santa Singhgot frustrated and said
"OKAY!! now the last criteria will be that:
WHITE HORSE will be yours and BLACK HORSE will be mine."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarjibought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.
He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect
him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the
third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)
TheSardarjigot out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste
chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for
going forward, but only one for going back!)
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SantaSinghdecided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the
dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' saidSanta, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
************************************************************************************
We have our famous friendSantaSinghqualifying for the hot seat.
( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).
AmitabhBachchan: OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here
with us.
Santa: Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte
aaj.
Tusi start karo ji.
AB: OK Santa this is your first question for 1000
Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are
:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa: Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question
AB: Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can t! ake your time
Santa(giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to
use my lifeline.
AB: I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa: Audience poll
AB: OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time
starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%
AB:Santaji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa: Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience
ne.
I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
AB: Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK
computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa: Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj
isko.
Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
AB: Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of
using
all the lifelines in the very first question.
This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa: My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
AB: OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye.
Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'
AB: HelloBantaji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke
KaunBanegaCrorepatise.
Banta: OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein....
#_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.
AB: Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan
bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta(Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga,
khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.
AB: Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case
karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa: Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta: Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud
wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez
pehen
gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.
AB:Santaji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa: Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta: Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska
answer
mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer
Punjabhai
lallu.
Santa: oye par ......... (and the clock stops).
AB: Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka
confidence
hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa: Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh
to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
And this was the last episode ofKBCas most of the audience died
laughing...
Munna and, Circuit and ManuMamu Jokes
PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth batamamu.
----------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT
AyeMamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
----------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMUKA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
English And Hindi Jokes
SantaSinghsent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Santasinghjumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted.Santasinghcontinued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr.Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
**************************************************************************
ASardardied and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
TheSardarthought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
********************************************************************************
OneSardarwas enjoying Sun on a Beach inAmerica. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"Sardaranswered '" No I amBantaSingh"Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.Sardaranswered " No No MeBantaSingh" Third one came and asked the same questionSardarwas totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw anotherSardarenjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The otherSardarwas much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " OurSardarslapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
************************************************************
After making a trip of South India ,SantaSingh,his wife and his son were returning topunjabin Tamilnadu Express.SantaSinghwas occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requestedSantaSinghto bring him a cup of Ice cream to whichSantareadily agreed. WhenSantaand his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understandhindihad occupied his son's birth . Outraged,SantaSinghcalled the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understandHindi/Punjabiso it would be better ifSantaSinghexplained the whole situation to him inEnglish.SantaSinghexplained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
************************************************************
ASardarjiand an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
TheSardarji,tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches theSardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
TheAmericanasks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
TheSardarjidoesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
TheAmerican,puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes theSardarjiand hands him $500.
TheSardarjithanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
TheAmerican, who is more than a little miffed, stirs theSardarjiand asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, theSardarjireaches into his purse,hands theamerican$5,and goes back to sleep.
*****************************************************************************
Asardarjicomes up to thePakistanborder on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered theSardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains thesardarjiall night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases thesardaji,puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto thesardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says theSardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to theSardar,and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, theSardarjidoesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
TheSardaji,sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
***************************************************************************
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." Asardarjipassenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
************************************************************************
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was aSardarji,one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally theSardarjiarrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When theSardarjiarrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?".Sardarjireplied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
***************************************************************************
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights.Sardarjiwas also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
******************************************************************************
SantaSinghapplied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
***************************************************************************
Asardarwanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. Thesardarliked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. Thesardarreplied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
***************************************************************************
ASardarjeereported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers
*************************************************************************
SantaSinghneeded some money desperately. Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. SoSantagoes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue.Santacloses his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest sawSantapraying. He wante to helpSanta, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.
AfterSantahad said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed withSanta. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa.
He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
Santa:"O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!
*********************************************************************************
SantaSinghandBantaSinghboth bought one horse each.
They wanted to make sure that they feed their own horse each morning. SoSanta Singhasked "how will we know which is your
and which is mine?"
Banta Singhsaid "its easy I will cut mine's tail, and yours will be the one with tail."
Some boys outside heard it and cut the tail of other horse too.
So the next morning confusion arose even more.Santa Singhsaid."don worry, ill tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the
one without the bell."
The boys heard this too so they cut the bell.
The next day,Santa Singhgot frustrated and said
"OKAY!! now the last criteria will be that:
WHITE HORSE will be yours and BLACK HORSE will be mine."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarjibought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.
He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect
him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the
third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)
TheSardarjigot out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste
chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for
going forward, but only one for going back!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SantaSinghdecided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the
dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' saidSanta, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
************************************************************************************
We have our famous friendSantaSinghqualifying for the hot seat.
( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).
AmitabhBachchan: OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here
with us.
Santa: Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte
aaj.
Tusi start karo ji.
AB: OK Santa this is your first question for 1000
Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are
:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa: Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question
AB: Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can t! ake your time
Santa(giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to
use my lifeline.
AB: I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa: Audience poll
AB: OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time
starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%
AB:Santaji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa: Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience
ne.
I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
AB: Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK
computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa: Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj
isko.
Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
AB: Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of
using
all the lifelines in the very first question.
This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa: My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
AB: OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye.
Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'
AB: HelloBantaji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke
KaunBanegaCrorepatise.
Banta: OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein....
#_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.
AB: Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan
bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta(Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga,
khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.
AB: Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case
karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa: Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta: Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud
wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez
pehen
gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.
AB:Santaji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa: Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta: Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska
answer
mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer
Punjabhai
lallu.
Santa: oye par ......... (and the clock stops).
AB: Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka
confidence
hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa: Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh
to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
And this was the last episode ofKBCas most of the audience died
laughing...
Munna and, Circuit and ManuMamu Jokes
PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth batamamu.
----------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT
AyeMamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
----------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMUKA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
English And Hindi Jokes
| There was once a man who was selling his horse but he didn't want to because to make it go, you had to say thank god and to make it stop, you had to say tom cruise.There was this one other man who wanted to buy a horse so he tried it.The man who wass selling the horse told the other man everything about the horse so the man on the horse started by saying thank god and the horse started moving.The man on the horse rode for a few minutes until he saw cliff.The man forgot what to tell the horse to make the horse stop.Tommy Hilfiger?What was the name?Then he got it.Tom Cruise!The horse stopped.The horse stopped about one foot away from the cliff.The man on the horse said,"thank god we didn't fall off the cliff".THUMP!The end | |
| ********************************************* once a chicken married a mosquitoe. guess what happened? the next day the chicken died due to malaria and the mosquitoe died due to bird flue. | |
| ********************************************** Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor.. | |
| ********************************************** How can we boil the oil? By adding B to it | |
| ************************************************ A sardarji went to a STD/ISD PCO and slapped the operator twice. Guess why? a. Beacause there it was written, Number dail kerne se pehele do lagae | |
| ************************************************** teacher:who climbed everest first? ram:there were 11 people teacher:how? ram:hilary and ten singh | |
| **************************************************** First man to the God-Oh God give a room filled with gold Second man to the God-Oh God give me a room filled with silver Third man to the God-Oh God give me the keys of those rooms | |
| ********************************************************** johny:sam, if u tell me how many eggs are in the basket, i will give 8 of them to u. if u tell me it belongs to which animal, i will give the hen to u.COME ON ANSWER! sam: oh,at least give me a hint. | |
| *********************************************************** how does the sea say hello? ANS: by giving a little wave. what is the best thing you put in a cake? ANS: your teeth! what do you call two spiders on honeymoon? ANS: newly webs. | |
| ***************************************************** ram: my camera is not zooming . what should i do? shyam: sing a song. ram: which song? shyam: zoom barabar zoom barabar.... | |
| ************************************************* Teacher:I am p.h.d you all know that can anyone tell me what it stands for? Back Bencher:Passed High School with great Difficulty | |
| **************************************** a woman: i can read your mind john: oh yeah? show me! the woman reads his mind and says:unbelievable! you dont have anything in your mind! | |
| *************************************************** son : who are the ones who go to heaven even after comitting a lot of murders. mother : dont know. son : Doctors! | |
| **************************************************** which is the most ancient animal? sochoo... zebra.... pucho kyun? b'coz itz black n white.....!!! | |
| ***************************************************** A man went to a restuarent and ordered a pizza...He said"Waiter,Cheese is bad for health....Wait! Even bread and chicken has calories...So, avoid them.The waiter served him tomatoes and said"Very healthy! Sir......!!!!!!!!!!! |
